Who We Might Become (The Psychology of Identity Theft and Reimagining Our Life Stories)

A leading psychologist reveals how the stories we tell about our lives shape our mental health, our resilience, and our sense of deeper meaning—and what happens when we feel out of control of our narrative

We all carry a story about who we are. Most days, it runs quietly in the background, giving our lives a sense of continuity and direction. But when something changes—a diagnosis, a divorce, a move, a public image we didn’t choose—that story can fracture. Suddenly, the version of ourselves we relied on no longer fits. Enter identity theft, which happens when you no longer play the role of narrator in your life and something or someone takes it over. In his debut book, psychologist Jonathan M. Adler, Ph.D., one of the foremost scholars studying the relationship between narrative identity development and psychological well-being, introduces a powerful and surprisingly hopeful way of understanding identity as a living story we inhabit and, crucially, help narrate. Drawing on decades of original research in psychology and narrative science, and informed by his work as a therapist and his background in theater as a director and off-Broadway playwright, Adler helps us reconsider the way we think about identity and shares the hopeful message that we have more power to change than we realize. 

Through unforgettable stories of identity theft, from a family forced into witness protection and given entirely new identities, to a woman whose villain edit on a popular reality TV show stole her future, to people whose lives are upended by immigration, illness, or cultural expectations, Adler names a phenomenon most of us recognize but haven’t had language for. Along the way, he reveals what these extreme experiences can teach all of us about agency, adaptation, and how meaning is made when life doesn’t go according to plan. Brilliant, warm, and told with wildly compelling stories, this paradigm-shifting read offers a new lens for understanding change, personal identity, and our identity-obsessed society, ultimately providing a space for new beginnings and self-discovery when life knocks us off script.