Everything Hurts (A Novel)

Phil Camp has a problem. Not that he wrote a self-help parody, Where Can I Stow My Baggage?, that the world took seriously and became a bestseller, or that he’s been using a phony name. No, Phil’s problem is the limp he’s had for months. His constant pain leads him to Dr. Samuel Abrun, a real doctor who wrote a real self-help book (The Power of "Ow!") that has made thousands of people pain-free.

So what happens when the self-help fraud meets the genuine item? Does Phil get better? Can he hobble out of his own way to help himself? Most important, can the reader make it through fifty pages without thinking, Wait a minute. Is that a twinge I feel in my lower back, or just gas?

Phil embraces the doctor’s unorthodox treatments, but saves some passion for Abrun’s daughter Janet—who has her own theories about relieving his pain. Meanwhile, Phil delves into his dark past with the Irish Shrink, his psychotherapist. And to top it off, Phil confronts his nemesis, a right-wing radio blowhard, only to find out they share a common enemy—the same family.

Like Carl Hiassen and Larry David, Bill Scheft knows that the best humor is excruciating. In Everything Hurts, pain is the ultimate jester.